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I've watched the sparks fly upward
I've caught the sunlight rays
I've hiked the hardest mountains
And raced the emus on the plains

I've seen the natives of this nation
I've met Aussies here and there
I've trekked across a sunburnt land
Where the precious water's rare

I've camped upon her rocky earth
I've howled the dingoes at night
I've heard how loud the foxes bark
And I've watched the wedgies fly

I've felt the outback's bitter cold
I've smelled the summer breeze
Travelled over gravelled roads
From desertland to trees

I've dusted red my riding boots
I've been to where I've never been
For what it's worth I know they're fair
Our colours of gold and green

In my heart I swell with pride
For this country wild and free
To know that I will always belong
In this wide brown land for me

- olivia jane 

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Withheld Words


Take me back to when I was a child
Where the insecurities hadn’t found me
To when I was oblivious and free
From the weight of responsibility 
No one told me that as an adult
I would fail under pressure
And no one knew that I’d become
Afraid and insecure
I’d like to know what I’d be like
I’d like to know if I’d be different
If my childhood growing up 
Had an alternative previously written
I cannot place the blame
For I’ve never had all the answers
But I know there’s things I wish I could change
That I know would be for the better
Do you believe me when I say
That I’m not like this in my head?
My actions have always lined up with
All the things I’ve said
But you haven’t heard the half of it
I am better than you think
I’m afraid that as I live my life
Half of me will continue to sink
This breath I keep replenishing
Always forces me to live
But I find no joy in having to withhold
The words I want to give

~ olivia jane

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Emptiness

So why am I still standing here?
Why am I still holding back from You?
You've given me a faith that can move a mountain
but I'm still playing in the sand
building little kingdoms that'll never stand
I hear You call me out into deeper waters
but I settle on the shallow end
I’m so tired of standing here
What if I gave everything to You?

The only place where I can experience a revelation from God is when I reach the point of coming to myself and asking why am I still standing here?
Like the prodigal son, who realises that he is in a pig pen eating the food of animals when the least in his father's house gets better than this. (Lk 15:17-20)
What am I doing?
Chasing the desires of the flesh only outlines the emptiness in a heart, the place where only water from an endless well can fill.
But my heart is not the well, Christ is, and the only way that I am satisfied in Him is if I continue to draw from that everlasting well.
The well of life.

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Blindness

Love blinds. Emotion blinds. Ignorance doesn't know and apathy doesn't care.

"Can beauty come out of ashes?" - Ashes, Celine Dion

I have so much at my fingertips directly from my heart but it's so difficult to get that out on a page.

You can't wake someone who is pretending to be asleep. And I know that, so I don't know why it makes me so angry when they won't wake up. I suppose it's not my job to keep people awake, to keep them on the straight and narrow. I'm not God. But when does my personal responsibility end and theirs begin?

What do you see?

"Everything. That is my curse." - Sherlock Holmes

It is better to see everything and feel it all than to be ignorantly blind and not have to suffer seeing anyone else's pain.

Maybe they are blind because they wouldn't be able to handle sight.

Can alcohol and sweet food bear your burden? Or do they hide, for a little while, the ache, the pain, the feelings, the want, the desires you are too afraid to endure? How does numbing heal a wound if you just let it fester? I can't bear your burden if you aren't vulnerable.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2

I've had to do hard things. Everyone has had to do hard things. You just have to be brave enough.

"If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small." - Proverbs 24:10

Do you think you can cure your inner longings with yourself? Like trying to chase out darkness with more darkness.

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