Crowns

That’s when my pride 
rang the doorbell 
to my false humility:
all the guilt had piled on
the coals upon my head,
and all I knew was that 
I knew full well they couldn’t see
that their intention of praise and glory,
I had turned to shame instead.
So honestly I opened up 
my infected wounded pride,
and everyone saw to their surprise,
the angry child inside.
For I’d often take to beating her
when the golden idol flaked,
and giving her the third degree
for whatever was at stake.
But the mask was never guilty,
it was glad to hear applause;
whenever it would show its face,
the crowds would beg for more.
Yet I never thought to consider myself
an enemy to love;
my pride became the crowds I pleased,
not the audience above.
For as the whipping girl hides away,
and sees my hollow victories,
she shouldn’t have to bruise herself
to find the gracious me.
I know we all have better sides
that we use to gain approval,
but that little girl is really me!
How could I be so brutal?
So maybe if I’m a little kind,
and lay my weapons down,
maybe she could hold my hand
as I help straighten her crown.

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Selfish Love


Do you see the way your love is all about you?

When they say self love,
this isn’t what they mean.

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Break Perfectionism

I'm tired of being ashamed of the words I write that I know to be true.

Break perfectionism.

There are things you can’t do perfectly.

Do them anyway.

Break perfectionism by celebrating with the God who celebrates you, despite your imperfection.

Read out loud, though you stutter. (exodus 4:12)

Be honest about how you feel, though it seems silly. 

Write and share blog posts & words you’ve written even when you don’t think it will make a difference because you could be saying some things wrong and people will miss the point because you’re not articulating yourself properly.

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Prodigal Me





He sadly shakes his head as he watches me walk down the road;
Away from his heart, away from my home,

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Rest




Where do I find the rest I need

Not to satisfy my selfish greed

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Heart of Glass




Where are the cracks in your heart of glass

your failures and your flaws?

I'm only able to love what you show me

not what's behind those walls

Do you see this love for what it is

or as only gold for fools?

Do you think that showing brokenness

would be breaking all the rules?

But how can we love a perfect mask

when we know it hides a soul,

A heart with cracks and beautiful scars

that is worth the love and gold?

~ olivia jane

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Failure is Easier

15/08/16 - #laterblogpost

As I journey through failure...

I get the chance to reach out and consider someone, but I miss it completely because I make assumptions and get caught up in my own self.

I failed to consider and love someone.

I jack up at the smallest detail that shouldn't be an issue and decide to clam up the rest of the night and internally scold myself.

I failed again by irrationally overreacting.

Situations escalate to the point of ridiculous. I could have done something about it. But I didn't. So the Word spoken at the dinner table, then gets taken and beat against my head, leaving me black and blue with another failure.

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